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Prevent from proceedings easily: DISRUPT

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James J. Lunch is author of The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness and a leading specialist in psychosomatic medicine. He writes movingly about the dependence we all have on ‘dialogues of love’. These are the verbal and non-verbal exchanges that bring us close to other people, and close to a feeling of being understood and cherished by those people. When these dialogues are disrupted and eroded, significant increases in disease and death follow, with obvious social costs as well as great personal loss. Keeping your capacity for loving dialogue alive demands a willingness to be generous, flexible and tolerant. “An individual can only receive to the extent that he gives,” Lunch points out, ‘and, in that sense, dialogue is a mirror of his personality. When you engage with another person, whether this is at work, within a love relationship, with a member of your family of origin or a neighbour, you rarely explicitly promise to be generous. Yet the presence of generosity within that relationship (or dialogue), or its absence, can utterly determine the quality and longevity of the connection. Generosity usually involves listening and ‘tuning in’, rather than imposing, and a willingness to enter into the life of another human being as an honoured, respectful guest, not as an invader or coloniser. This can be most difficult of all between members of the same family where unconscious ‘debts’ may tangle with equally unconscious ‘requests’ that often emerge in ways destined to get you almost any result but the one you want.