Human Resources: Distribution: ALL STAFF Tuesday Jan 3rd.Dear Staff,It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.If we see you wearing Prada trainers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a pay rise.If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a pay rise.If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.SICK DAYS: 
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. 
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. 
The holidays are as follows: January 1 & December 25 
Rest Stop Joke

I was coming back from visiting my son in my Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.” “What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m releaving myself.” Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, someone is answering all of my questions.”